charismaticmicrofauna

It has taken a few months, and a conversation with the head of the HR department at the University, but I am finally recovering from the most toxic, unprofessional, and discriminatory workplace that I have ever had to endure for longer than 1 month. The last time I worked in an environment this toxic was during my first research expedition. I was invited to join a research cruise because the scientist had an extra berth on the ship, he collaborated with my undergraduate advisor, and I had an excellent academic record. The chief scientist was on the American Chemical Society board of directors. I’m actually not sure what his official title was/is. He is a respected deep sea geologist, and he is a sexual harasser. I knew it was going to be along month when we were in the airport going to The Azores and he ran his hand through my hair. He touched his other female students’ hair and also liked to give us shoulder rubs. And, the same as that chief scientist tried to destroy my reputation when we came back from that research cruise because I would not put up with his behavior, my last employer appears to also be trying to trash my professional reputation by offering unsolicited professional references. Unsurprisingly to me, persisting in being unprofessional.  There are so many issues with academia, and I wonder if the pervasive suckling fest upon the teets of key researchers is as pervasive in other fields of research as it is in deep sea science.  Ask me about why what Bob Ballard said to me made me realize he is a bit of a dick, and don’t get me started about James Cameron, although I would never remotely consider the latter a scientist.

I was so naive when I started college. I thought that people who had higher educations were more intellectual. I’ve learned that education and intellect do not correlate. I believed that academia was a meritocracy, work hard do your best and succeed: dead wrong. I thought, academics are more tolerant and respectful of each other’s accomplishments. I know now that my PhD means the least and is respected less by anybody in academia than by others everywhere else in the world. Why work so hard to be a better person just for someone in a little office in a niche corner of the world to feel like they can disparage you? I decided not to listen to those little cockroaches today.

There are plenty of voices who are trying to bring awareness and elicit change in the academic world. I, however am currently deciding that for my mental health that I am not going to continue to give any more thought to malignant narcissists in academia or anywhere else. I moved on from that once already when I cut off my adopted family, and I can do it now. Maybe I will change my mind and revisit the subject of directly communicating my woes about academia another time. However, now I am finding it very distracting from what I have always set out to do which is to love science, spread enthusiasm to others about what I love, grow, and thrive.

I worked hard with only my husband, a few close friends, and my furbabies supporting me through my PhD. I still believe that few things are as empowering as an education. Nobody is going to verbally or emotionally abuse me enough to make me stop valuing my accomplishments.

Now I decide what I want to be when I grow up. Now, I glow up.