charismaticmicrofauna

So many things have been happening that I don’t know where I should start. I have been working very hard trying to maintain balance between two very important parts of my life every day, week to week for almost two years in addition to taking care of my home, my husband, and my animal babies. When I started my PhD program in 2014 I also continued to pursue my love for the ancient art of Muay Thai kickboxing. I have been a dedicated researcher in my field of marine microbiology and a loyal student in Muay Thai arts. I have found a balance in my life between the two, although they are very different in practice, there is a core philosophy that I have found for my life which makes a perfect union.

My experiment in the lab that I have been trying to develop since I began my graduate program has not been successful. I’ve only recently collected enough data and performed the experiment enough times to show, empirically that my experiment is not reliable enough to use. It took me a year and a half to come to that conclusion and I am still recovering from the blow. It’s still data, negative data. My work will serve as a warning to other scientists not to waste their time as I did, which is not nothing.

I’m moving on and starting from square one. I’m returning to a previously used method of measuring my enzyme within the Calvin-Benson-Bassham cycle of the endosymbiotic bacteria that live inside of the giant tube worm,  Riftia Pachyptila at hydrothermal vent sites in the East Pacific. Currently, I’m testing the optima of the experiment to ensure that when I start measuring the samples that are frozen from my last research cruise, the measurements will be as accurate and precise as they can possibly be.

There are many baby steps in research, in science, in academia, et cetera. There are periods of extreme tedium, during which I question myself, my skill, my decision to become a scientist. What am I doing with my life? Why am I doing this to myself? In these periods the portent of the purpose of my research gets lost in my feelings of failure, and the philosophy that I believe in seems to disappear.

I grow impatient and the results that I meticulously strive for in my experiments everyday in the lab come slowly, but they come and it is a series of small drawn out victories.

For every other moment that is not consumed by science and research, I have Muay Thai. I train hard. I have learned another labor of love within which I can strive to obtain maximum skill. Muay Thai is a dynamic and technical sport that requires strategy, conditioning, and devotion.  I have improved slowly over time, and it has been a struggle at times. There are lessons that I have learned through Muay Thai about myself, about working hard, and about achieving success that have made me better able to cope with the progress that I have or have not made with my experiments from day to day. Muay Thai is always there for me.

I would like to fight this year. I don’t think the head trainer thinks that I am ready yet. I am an advanced student, but I don’t have enough experience with other opponents in the ring. I won’t be able to spar unless I go to more sparring drill classes, but the current schedule is difficult for me to get to. I still train at least 7 hours a week anyway. In April, I started working with a strength and conditioning coach, and so far I am very happy with my progress. I hope that when I begin to fight, I will be stronger and be better conditioned than my opponents.

For today, I am not in a great place with either my research or my fighting. This week, I tested a parameter of my experiment successfully and when I ran the experiment, it failed. Yesterday, I tried to spar and my coach told me that I needed to do more sparring drills before I could train with the fighters, even though I have sparred before. I know that it’s for my own good, so I don’t get injured because there are fights next week, but it also makes me feel like the kid who gets chosen last when everybody is picking teams in school.

Sometimes it seems like no matter how hard I work, I still need to work harder. All I can do is do better.