charismaticmicrofauna

I’m on the second flight toward the first destination of my current adventure. I’ll be in Portland, Oregon in 3 hours. I’ll stay there for two days before I travel to Newport, OR with my boss, my fairy godmother Beverly and my fairy sister Yeong. It’s been 6 hours since I left Michael tearfully at the Tampa airport and I already miss him terribly. I will try not to miss him too much during this trip. This is the second time that I have had to leave him at home with all of our animals. This is the first time however, that he will have Rocko Q. Taco as a puppy companion. In addition, Michael is in the care of our three kitties Caravaggio Cat, Lily Bear (Caravaggio’s mother), and Tukey Lurkey. Michael is also going to be at the mercy of our sugar gliders, Orville and Wilbur.

I have been very nervous about this trip. Research cruises, of which this is my third, have been difficult for me. I have studied deep sea bacteria that thrive around hydrothermal vents during each research expedition. In order to study these organisms highly technical methods with very sensitive scientific equipment is utilized. The last time I was at sea with my current research group our collaborators sent an instrument out that had never worked. That caused our research plan to shift and our objectives to change.

During my first research trip I was an undergraduate. I had been invited by my university to participate on the one month expedition to the Mid-Atlantic Ridge based on my academic performance, but the chief scientist was a very unpleasant, misogynist bully. It was a very unpleasant month, but I learned what I could from it which happened to not be very much except for gaining the experience of living on a ship and watching scientists work. My second trip was during my first semester of graduate school. I was unprepared again for the work. My mentor/boss needed an extra set of hands and I spent half of the time feeling like a monkey and the other half crying. Maybe I didn’t really cry half the time, but I really wanted to at least.

So I go again, this time without expectations. During my first cruise I was very excited. My outlook for my second trip was that I would redeem myself from the first voyage. My only hope for this excursion that I can handle the stress and stay out of trouble. I might even get to take a ride to the bottom of the east Pacific Ocean on the ALVIN.

My biggest concern this time around is leaving home. I didn’t feel the same way when I left before. Michael and I had only been married for one year when I went to sea the last time. I think that we have grown closer over time and are more settled into our life together. He and I have had many adventures together and he is my best friend. I will miss him terribly. He hasn’t been happy at his job and I hope that he finds a different one while I am away. He is an excellent special education teacher and he is in a charter institution where it is obvious that they are only for profit. He really cares about his students and it’s hard for him to see them get lost in the system. I wish for him success in his career and I wish for us a baby and many more travels together.

One of my goals for this month while I’m on the ship is to stop drinking. I have been drinking too much gin and I think that I might be a functional alcoholic. I know that I am self-medicating. I have had a hard life, but it isn’t an excuse for me to drink as much as I have. I have at least two drinks a night and I have been drinking heavily in anticipation of this journey. I have also been seeing a personal trainer and I am working against myself because I am working out during the day and rewarding myself by drinking at night. I really need to stop. I like to be drunk, but I think that it has been making me particularly volatile lately and Michael has been extremely patient about it. He’s really my anchor. Without him I am adrift at sea, allowing my own tides and currents to toss me back and forth.

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