charismaticmicrofauna

I’ll be going back to sea in less than two weeks. The time has come so quickly. I have known for two years since my last expedition that I would be returning to 9 degrees north of the equator in the Eastern Pacific Ocean, but I did not know exactly when until a few months ago. Even then I thought to myself, “that is a long time away.” However, the time is upon me and I must leave home for four weeks once again.

This research cruise is my third overall, and my second one with my current advisor.  My first research cruise was during my undergrad. I was invited by the College of Marine Science of which I was a part of to be an undergraduate guest based on my academic performance. I soon learned that the chief scientist for the cruise was also a collaborator with my undergraduate research advisor. I’m sure that he pulled some strings to get me on the research cruise and it was a great experience for me. At least, it would have been if the chief scientist had not sexually harassed the female students on his research team which included myself and another undergrad. This scientist was a board member of the American Chemical Society, a revered scientist in the field of marine chemistry, and a misogynist pig. He continually touched the female students in unwelcoming ways. He stroked our hair, massaged our shoulders, and as a classic misogynist would do: took credit for one of my ideas.

It was a long four weeks at sea, part of which was spent trying to stay out of the trajectory of Hurricane Sandy. I spent as much time as I could trying to stay out of his way, and when I tried to discuss his behavior with the other female grad students on the ship they said:

“Just ignore him.”

From my experience, the silence of your friends,cohorts, family members is more harmful than the actions of your enemies and foes.  I have experienced it in my life in a variety of ways from a variety of so-called allies, and it is always confusing.

To be an aspiring scientist and put in a situation like this is terrible. When I returned to land, where my undergraduate advisor had been while I was at sea, our relationship had changed. I no longer trusted him and based on reports from the sexual harasser, he no longer trusted me.  That was clear. In hindsight, maybe I should have explained my situation more, but in the moment it seemed to be retaliatory and I did not want to be seen as a troublemaker any more than I was believed to be. Again, a parallel of a childhood experience. Not surprisingly there have been many articles written in the last four years about the serial sexual harassment of graduate students and undergraduates in field work situations.

However, I continued on to graduate school and just before my first semester I received an email from my current boss/mentor asking me if I would like to join her on a research cruise during my first semester. I enthusiastically replied in the affirmative. I saw it as a potential opportunity to redeem myself from the terrible experience of my first expedition and wanted to be an integral part of the team instead of feeling like an outsider or a troublemaker.

But, my last cruise was my second, and my first cruise with my new boss during my very first semester of graduate school. She had the grant written, and happened to be going out to sea that semester and it was an opportunity to begin my thesis. I already had ship experience and I thought to myself that this would be easier. In a way it was because I wasn’t being sexually harassed, but in other ways because I was more responsible for my work it was more difficult. Sink or swim is how I would describe the situation on the ship. Partially because at times I was worried that my boss was going to throw me off of the ship in frustration, and at times I thought maybe I would be the one throwing somebody off of the ship. It can be a real pressure cooker situation on a ship with about 50 other strangers for one month.

Being on a ship is hard work. In fact, I would say that it is a misnomer to say research “cruise” because that really implies more fun than it actually is. Of course, it is nice to be out in the middle of the ocean. I’ve seen pods of pilot whales, large rays, shoals of squid, and bio luminescent algae, so it isn’t all bad. It is very difficult. To be on a 197 foot ship 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 3 weeks with your boss when stakes are high and huge amounts of money have been invested with precious little time to collect and process fresh samples is enormously difficult. I hope, on this next trip that I cry a little less.

My strategy for stress for the next month?

Naps, lots and lots of naps.

Honestly, I feel more prepared, but I am also suspicious of that feeling because I know that in the middle of the ocean anything could go wrong and the ship crew can only do so much. That is just the nature of the work. I am nervous and excited, but also wary and hoping for the best. I’m going to put my game face on and kick ass as much as I possibly can. Hopefully my story when this month is over will be “No more tears”.

Another question I get asked a lot is whether or not I will get to go down to the bottom of the ocean in the ALVIN. If you’re not familiar with the ALVIN it is a manned submersible that we take down to depths of about 2 miles to the ocean floor. It would be verrry cool if I got to take a trip in the ALVIN. During my last cruise, I was scheduled to dive in the submersible, but when the day came there was a leak in one of the lines and they needed to refill it. They also needed to subsequently repressurize the line to about 4000 pounds per square inch in order to be able to tolerate the pressures at the bottom of the ocean.

photo courtesy of http://astro.temple.edu/~ecordes/cruises/newCruises2_2014.html

I was disappointed, so I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high, but my fingers are crossed and of course if I do get to take a ride in the ALVIN, everybody will know about it!

I’ll try my best to update my adventures while I’m on the ship, but the bandwidth is quite narrow, so I can’t make any promises.

Until next time!